Posted on January 28, 2009 - by dirtymitten

Apple-Flavored-Meth-asaurus

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud (lol!) at the wireless network game that’s happening in my apartment building.

When I moved in with my girlfriend last year, in order to further combine our efforts, I named my new wireless network a hybrid of my girlfriend’s and my old wireless network names. My previous network was named Cracktopus, so named because the (too) many computers that were set up as a LAN system – I think there were 5 computers, not 8, but whatever. That’s not counting my PSP or my roommate’s WiFi-enabled devices, so, fuck it, let’s just call it 8. The “crack” in Cracktopus was inserted to give a relative value to the expense and addictive nature of LAN gaming, which I would compare to crack cocaine on a regular basis.

The girl-unit’s old WiFi network was named Cherry Blossom, because she’s enthralled by Japanese culture, particularly their aesthetic sensibilities, and cherry blossoms are held in utmost regard there.

So, when we moved in together, I created the WiFi access point Cherry-Flavored-Kraktopus, changing the Crack to Krak, to throw the girl-unit off the scent of a grown man obsessed with tom-foolery, and to further illustrate the leviathan that is co-habitation.

A few months later, and some new kids move in above us. They’re really fuckin’ loud all the time, and I would be otherwise unimpressed, but I have to give props for hilarity, as I am a man of good humor. When I last searched for the WiFi networks in range, among the other networks in the building was ours, Cherry-Flavored-Kraktopus, and a new one, Apple-Flavored-Meth-Asaurus. It’s the same Fruit-Flavored-Drug-Monster convention, and while I know I’m brilliant for thinking up the original, I feel further rewarded for my brilliance in that somebody out there is imitating me.

I’m sure, if I knew these kids, and I wasn’t 10 years older, curmudgeonly, and living below them while trying to sleep regularly, we might be fast friends, if for any reason, they’re practically begging to give me a virtual reach-around. If only they knew…